My best friend was nabbed by hoodlums. He is the careful type but the trick used by the thugs bypassed his careful nature. He was beaten. His phones were taken. Allow me withhold how much money was withdrawn with his ATM and the time he got home in the dark morning.
The cause? A hook up.
This piece aims at describing a safe way to use that app responsible for hookup misfortunes: Grindr.
Saying, don’t use Grindr is not enough. Lord knows I’ve been preaching it to my friends. The advice lacks resonance, with those who need it the most. A better approach is pathing ways that offer route to safety. No one thinks to stop cooking with fire because the neighbour’s house got burnt to the ground.
Moreover, setting self-control against libido is like setting Mitchell against Beyonce. We know which is going to win a contest of keeping us excited. We are not clueless as to how to handle ourselves. Beyonce just does a better job of subduing our inhibitions.
Let’s begin: How to stay safe while using Grindr. It’s simple. Remember G.R.I.N.D.R:
G – Get Rid of the App
R – Request a Video Call
I – Interview the Person
N – Negotiate an Open Meeting
D – Delete the App
R – Reassess Your Date
Get Rid of the App
I know don’t use the app is bad advice. But bad is different from totally useless. To restate it is to flirt with hope. Maybe someone will listen and save himself from walking into the cage of misfortune.
It can be difficult to delete the app. The promise of love is doubly enticing when mixed with the call of sex. Our hope… There is no hope in Grindr! Get rid of it.
Request a Video Call
So, resisting the temptation to re-download the app was impossible. You went a full day without it. You tried. Now a potential hook up is in the radar and things are going so well. How can anyone suggest such a thing as get rid of the app?
While you are at it, request a video call. It’s simple. Ask for the person to send his Whatssap number (or Imo number). Save the number and place a video call.
If the person resists: Send your Whatssap number and ask the person to video call you. Insist he calls or you will end the chat. (This only applies if you are scared to lose this person who somehow happens to be too special to lose.)
If he refuses to send his number: For your safety, erase the chats you have had so far and block him. He is not genuine. He is a servant of misfortune, and he will relish in dragging you into her cage the moment you fulfill what he is bound to offer you: an invite.
Interview the Person
The invite is always innocent, Where are you? Let’s meet. It’s that simple, devoid of the sensitivity one might find in the wooing ritual of heterosexuals. In truth, I am far from being an expert in straight wooing. But something unmissable in my little exposure to the ritual is the filters of questions used by the wooed to ensure access to only the right wooer. The filter of ‘getting to know a date.’ Females are particular gifted at using this tool:
Who are his friends? Where does he work? Does he have a car? How many? What is his surname? What kind of surname is that? How old is he? What is your business with him when he has a wife and children?
All these questions are rarely asked by us who live in the home of homosexuals. Straight to the matter it is, we left all our straight sensitivities with God. It’s a shame. The filter of questions used by our straight sisters serve as such a wonderful function: It keeps away those who are ill-fitted for us.
A video call showed his face but it is important to examine the facts about him. Find out the facts about him. Thank God for Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. But, even social media tools can be useless because lots of the thugs who want to drag you into misfortune’s cage are on it with fake profiles. Still, put in the effort. Pick up all you can through all the means you have available about this person you have decided to meet.
If you are inane enough to fall for his I don’t use Whatssap line carry on. But let the inanity end at that. Pick up your sense from where it had landed after being kicked off by the hit of libido. Investigate, subject the person to your filter of questions.
Negotiate an open meeting.
An open meeting means meeting at the mall at nothing later than 4pm. 2pm if you stay on the mainland. This is the part where you have to insist: Your first meeting must happen in a place where there is potential to be a lot of people. Be particular. Your pact with fortune depends on it.
He insists you come to him? This is the first call of misfortune. Bid him and her farewell. A meeting can happen another time, never preferably. But if you are one of those brave (inane) souls bent on meeting a person you have never met in a location you have never been keep the following two tips in mind.
Delete the App
This time, it’s not about deleting the app forever. Just for this brief moment when you want to go see this person who holds love’s promise. This ensures deniability if things go south.
I know I write a blog about being your authentic self. But I am an idealist and you live in the real world. Things can get messy and the ideal thing is for you to get away from such mess with yourself and the dignity that can be allowed in the given situation. Delete the app.
On a related note, it helpful to know that deleting the app over and over again is the best route to deleting it forever. Think of forever as simply now: I will delete it now. I am sure I will download it again but that time resides in the future. I will delete it again when that future comes. Now, I choose to get rid of it and keep it out of my phone.
Reassess your date
Now this tip boils down to taste. You’ve seen him but maybe he is yet to see to you. Assess him, Is he the guy from the video call? Is he alone or with someone else? Is he fine? Is his wowoness bearable? Do I even care about fineness? Give yourself a mental assessment of this person in a way no way as accorded him in his life.
Haba? Did you just say haba? Be less wary about a stranger you are about to give your time, your attention and (potentially) your body and love? The difference between a date blessed with romantic bliss and a date in misfortune’s loveless cage depends on how well you assess.
Does he smell like trouble? If you can perceive the smell while in the open place that you carefully picked, it might be the strong stench of misfortune. Trust your instincts. Walk the other way. Life is lived once but konji will come again and again as long as you have life.
There, you have it. A safe way to use Grindr. Its far from extensive but it can help. Spread the word. Hearing about our brothers getting a kiss from misfortune through the help of thugs has become endemic. We can do our part, and keep them away from our phones, our money and our lives. Let’s stay safe.
You are awesome.
Have you had an unfortunate experience with Grindr? Please share your wisdom and lessons in the comments area below.