A lot of the concerns that trouble Nigerian gay men I have encountered, though not many, seems to revolve around one simple idea that can be expressed as this: the world is out to get me. I confess that, time to time, I too suffer the implications of this idea. For example, I become defensive when dealing with strangers who possess fine potential to become valuable friends – put another way, I put people I don’t know at arm’s length. I deny fantasies of an enriching romantic life because they seem to lack practical possibilities. I think of accomplishments in timid terms.
As I think about my life’s trajectory, the way I’d like my life to be, I am certain that living my life based on that idea (that the world is out to get me) can have devastating consequences. I reject the idea.
But to simply reject the idea may proof ineffective to support efforts to live life in a way that is authentic. The reason is simple. When you think of space and time, and the objects that inhabit these forces, you see that no two objects occupies the same space at the same time (though there are exceptions). The same applies to the mind as well. Think of an egg and a plant at the same time and space – I did not say think of eggplant. Think of an egg (laid by a chicken) and a plant (say a seedling of beans). As long as you are thinking of one you find it difficult to think of the other. To think of one requires replacing it with the other.
In that sense, we must replace the devastating idea with an inspiring one. An inspiring idea that guides our lives and makes to tear down the walls we have built to deny ourselves from the beauty that lies around us. The idea you choose is irrelevant as long as you find that it supports your efforts to be authentic.
As Ralph Charell put it, Do your own independent thinking. Be the chess player. You can begin by guiding yourself with a simple yet inspiring idea.
You are Awesome