I confess. I go to Ikeja City Mall (ICM) to gaze at men. It’s an unintentional outcome of already planned trips. Usually, I head there to see a movie, buy some item or just hang out with friends. Then I get into the unavoidable loop of encountering men. Hot men. In different shapes, forms and sizes.
For most gays guys, having a straight guy (who turns out to be gay) is the ultimate fantasy. That’s why we hear things like “looking for straight-acting dudes”. I confess again. I’m one of those guys “looking for straight-acting dudes”. So much that when a friend suggested a not-so-masculine guy as a potential partner, I retorted with this: Do I look like a lesbian?
You can imagine my excitement whenever I’m at the mall. So many straight men! Gorgeous men! And, in Nigeria, everyone is straight. We play straight (some of us are terrible at it though). This might seem like a barrier. But it’s not. (Or, maybe it is. We just have to draw out the opportunity within it).
A while ago, on one of my mall trips with friends, I suggested a challenge to my friends (who are gay). The suggestion was this: walk up to the guy you think is most gorgeous or you feel you have a connection with or one you feel is out of your league and tell him you think he is handsome.
A useful format is:
“Hello, my name is [insert your name]. This is going to sound weird. And I don’t want you to take it the wrong way. I just think you are,
dare I say it, handsome… Ok. That’s it. Do have a lovely day”.
The response my friends gave was along the line of this:
[Insert any male name], are you crazy!?! Are you, like, crazy??? In short, you are crazy! That’s the height of gay alert! The guy is not only going to think you are weird, he is going to think you are gay! In fact, [insert any male name] you are crazy!
This suggestion can put anyone in an extremely awkward position. However, sometimes, it can be rewarding to get out your way to do the things you want. Chances are, like you, the other “straight” men are in your exact situation. You would love if someone walked up to you and gave you a compliment. Wouldn’t you?
Be graceful. Get out of your way. Give a dude a compliment.
Ikeja City Mall isn’t the only outlet available to pick up dudes. Any social place will do. A restaurant, a club, the gym.
A way to break the ice is to ask a question. Dismiss the thoughts in your head that nag about how stupid you’ll sound. Ask away. Most guys like to talk about themselves. They are open to laugh at jokes, talk about common interests, and make new friends. As long as you don’t get weird. Just be friendly. The more friends you make the higher the chances that you’ll hit jackpot and your lonely days will be over.
Know your boundaries. Some people are open minded. They are open to compliments and flirtatious behaviours from men. Others are not. Don’t push it.
The usual inference about those who prefer “straight acting dudes” is that they are self loathing closeted homosexuals who fear the gay attention their effeminate counterparts bring. For me though, I find that I am attracted to masculine guys. I also find feminine guys attractive. But not in that way. Do I purport stereotypical bigotry common in the gay community like “no femmes”, “straight acting dudes only”? No. I’m open to love from anyone and I am willing to give anyone love – It depends on the attraction I feel.
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QUESTION OF THE DAY: Do you have tips that help you with meeting guys? Please let me know in the comments.
You are Awesome!