I have become an expert in getting over crushes, infatuations and love. I had to adopt a repertoire of skills to achieve this end – brooding over something you can never have, I have come to discover, is a waste of time.
Every human experiences unrequited love at one point or another over the span of his life. Being attracted to people of your sex ensures that this will happen to you. (If you are an exception to this rule, you shouldn’t be reading this).
Moments where I felt love for someone who I wasn’t sure would requite it were bitter, scary, and painful. The worst moments came when the love developed from a cherished friendship; guilt, confusion and a desire to withdraw got thrown into the mix of already corrosive emotions.
Love, a beautiful thing, turns horrendous: nights become sleepless, foods become tasteless, life becomes colourless.
Then, he comes, arms stretched wide for a hug, a smile that blurs everything else and a gaze that suggests he just “might” be interested.
I would wish meanings into his otherwise trivial actions: “Oh my Gad, he called me dear” “He texted I miss you” “He winked at me when no one was looking” “He even held my waist long after he released me from our hug”.
But, reality had a way of making my delusions clear.
To cope, I deleted their numbers from my phone. This helped until I would become overwhelmed by the urge to get it back from facebook. Deleting them from facebook seemed too radical and they would know something was up.
I found every excuse to stay away from them: changed reading classes, lied that I wasn’t home when they came visiting, gave (meaningless) reasons why I couldn’t fulfill any of their request/favours. This only made things worse. The more I stayed away, the more I wanted them close.
I told myself it would pass. In one case, I waited two years for it to pass. It didn’t. To set my eyes on him was to fall in love with him anew. In the third year, I told him. This seemed to do the trick. If deleting their number, staying away didn’t work, and the feeling lasted more than six months, i would tell them. It did the trick.
This method is based on the premise that I refuse to suffer over something I have little control over. So, If I like someone and I sense the person might not like me back. I let the person know how I feel – true friends are there to ease life, right?
A kind of reality check comes from hearing the “love of your life” say: “I can’t love you in that way” or “I’m not just into you”. Your brain resets from the “rejection”. You become free to start looking for new love. Or, the love becomes an overwhelming pain you find easier to let go in comparison to the love you held on to in blind hope.
I recognize dangers exist in telling a man about feelings I have. Everything in life should be approached with care. However, overcaution is a dangerous propensity. Think things through: if your friend is a talker, consider that he might give talks about your “private talk”. Can you deal with the consequence?
This piece is narrowed to the perspective from my experience. Nothing elaborate. Just saying: care for yourself; know when a crush is a worthy crush. If an endeavour isn’t worth it, move on. It only helps to find out.
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