Most young gay men question the existence of God. I know I did. The Holy Book doesn’t paint the gay picture in the best light (read Lev 18, Rom 1 and the rest).
As a christain, it can be difficult to marry faith with carrying the “abominable desire” while having utterly no drive from the “acceptable one”. It can be a deep struggle.
There is a psychological maturity that comes with asking questions, and when you come made with something “abominable” stitched to the fabric of your existence, normal questions like “what is the purpose of my life?” become trifles and are readily replaced with persumably pressing ones such as: “why was I designed this way?” When answers don’t come (as it is in most cases), you begin to ask perhaps the boldest question of them all: Does God even exist?
It’s difficult to question an “unquestionable” God. There is a level of discomfort it brings. A kind of fear, of the unknown, of breaking a rule, of illiciting anger from an Almighty. But I have long considered the possibility that all I have come to know have not been my own, the consideration of information cultured in me and made to be my own by outside forces. I have wondered who God would prefer after I read a quote by Thomas Jefferson. He said:
“Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be a God, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blind-folded fear”
Would God prefer a man who asks reasonable questions or a man who exhibits irrational fear? Or, would he take the both as they are?
For me, the closest truth that can explain the perfect design of this world is the story of the existence of God – a Creator. Although, I sometimes think human beings are the aberration (an aberration to the perfection). Other times, I think we are still growing; growing to reach the perfection that is God. But, mostly, I think it’s healthy to ask questions. Question everything.